Out of Control

In general I’m a person that likes to be a person that can handle stress well.  But over the last few years I’ve discovered that isn’t true for me at all.  I started to notice it last year when Carrie was sick.  I knew there wasn’t anything I could do to help her fight her cancer.  I knew that my role was to be supportive and to pick up some extra chores and to hold her hand when she needed me to.  I was able to handle that stress pretty well.  After she came home from the hospital after particularly difficult time, I setup a makeshift bedroom downstairs for her and we managed.  A few months later my air conditioner failed and we had to replace it.  But we managed.

The year left us deflated both emotionally and financially and we have not fully recovered from that time.  Which is why when we recently discovered a problem with our deck, I have not handled it well.  I’m very anxious about this issue.  I’ve been asking myself why this one bothers me.  We’ve had issues in the past and none of them have bothered me like this one.  I think I know why; I can’t do anything about this one.  The only thing I can do is to get a contractor to repair it.  And that isn’t proving to be easy.  The market is so hot right now in Nashville that contractors are 2 or more months out.  And the longer we wait the worse this issue will become.  I feel helpless and it’s really driving me crazy.  It’s out of control.

I think this is one of the reason’s why I have become so drawn to a more minimalist lifestyle.  The more stuff you have the more it can control you.  If we didn’t have such a big house we would not have as many maintenance or obligations to it.  It’s exhausting to keep up with it.  Less is more.